Last night, I listened to a webinar that was run by a life coach.
In it, she said that one of the keys to a successful business (and life) was to understand your personal values and to set achievable goals around what you want in your life.
So, I sat down with pen and paper in hand all set to start.
But, I couldn’t write anything!!
And, that’s when it hit me – just how lost I’ve been feeling of late!!
“I don’t know who I am any more” I said to myself in the mirror.
In fact, it suddenly dawned on me that perhaps I’ve never really known who I am.
Blimey! That’s a tad unsettling, isn’t it!!
Probably not totally surprising, however, given that even my hospital birth tags read ‘Emma Coulson’ – a temporary first name and a surname that would soon be replaced by a different father.
Probably not a great start for a solid identity!
Have you ever tried to define yourself?
Not easy, is it? … or is that just my experience?
And just when I think I’ve got me all worked out I go and awaken to another level and there I am – lost again!
So, last night I chose to honour my sense of disorientation and I let myself swim between the worlds of ‘the disappearing me’ and ‘the emerging me’.
I came to understand that I’m in the mush stage of the chrysalis – yet again.
The place that we return to time and time again on this journey of life.
I felt into some resistance and some sadness (around the parts of me that I don’t want to yet say goodbye to).
I realised that my six year old’s recent fear that mummy is going to die may be in some way true – but not in the way that he is fearing.
I took time to feel into the new me that is beckoning and from the little that I could sense I believe that she’s going to be good for me.
I’m still not really sure about who she is or where she’s going…
but, that’s okay too.
We’re in the fallout stage of the Saturn/Neptune square after all.
A transit that dissolves our sense of reality and last weekend’s eclipse, capturing the final hit of these planets, was powerful to say the least.
It’s a time for keeping the faith, honouring the process and taking every day step by step.
The clarity will come and until it does be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself, be patient and keep the faith.